10 Rules to follow before visiting a new mom

The last thing a new mom wants to do is entertain right after having a baby. If you follow these rules before visiting a new mom you will make her life so much easier, I promise!

It can be so exciting to visit a new baby right after they are born. Trust me, I understand. They are so cute and small, they have that intoxicating new baby smell. All you want to do is get your hands on that new baby as fast as you can! But wait, put the brakes on for a minute. There are a few things you should consider before visiting a new mom and baby. 

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10 Rules you should follow before visiting a new mom

1- Wait for an invitation

The last thing a new mom wants is her phone being blown up by friends and family asking when they get to meet the baby. Your time will come, but right now its time to leave the new family alone. 

The time after birth is sacred for a new family, and there is nothing like being bombarded with texts and phone calls to make things even more overwhelming. 

Wait for the invitation, the new mom in your life has not forgotten you, I promise. She will thank you later for waiting.

2- Make your visit short 

Unless she is doing something like showering or napping while you are holding the baby. Or you are a close family or friend helping with household tasks or watching the kids, make your visit short. 

Say hello, check in, drop dinner off and then let them have their time alone with their new baby. It can be stressful having visitors around when trying to get into a routine with a brand new human you know nothing about. 

3- Try your best to be quiet

New moms are often sleep deprived, which means they can be extra sensitive to noise (at least I was). You also dont want to wake the baby while they are sleeping. 

Try to be aware of your presence in the room, and keep your voice at a thoughtful level.

4- Wash your hands and don’t kiss the baby

Just do it, thats all I have to say.

5- Try to keep perfume, cologne and other scents to a minimum

New moms and babies are very sensitive to smell. Its best to wait to apply your perfume or cologne until after you have visited. 

6- Bring something helpful

There are many things you can bring to a new mom that will make her life a little easier during this overwhelming time.

A few ideas are:

• • pre-made meals (for the whole family)
  • Snacks (LOTS of snacks)
  • Flowers
  • Her favorite treat
  • A new water bottle (new moms need LOTS of water)
  • A food delivery gift card
  • Ask if she needs a restock of any postpartum supplies
    
    

A piece of advice: Dont ask what she needs (unless its something personal like postpartum supplies). She will appreciate the thought so much but she will probably say nothing because she doesnt want you to go out of your way, and she probably doesnt know what she needs. If you bring something unexpectedly, I promise she will be SO appreciative! 

7- Don’t ask to hold the baby

Just dont. Wait until she offers (she may or may not). Dont go into meeting the new baby thinking that you will get the opportunity to hold him/her. 

This is precious time for a new mom to bond with her baby. They are possibly establishing nursing, getting to know each other, and juggling their new normal, and she just may not be ready to part yet. Many moms arent ready to let go of their new baby just yet. And if asked, they might feel obligated to say yes. 

She may very well ask you to hold the baby as well. She might want to take a nap, have a shower or have a few minutes to herself. In which case, soak up that precious new baby smell and snuggles. 

The important thing is to let mom initiate. 

8- If she has other kids, give them attention (but don’t bring your own)

Especially if she has little kids! Toddlers need constant entertainment so bringing something new and exciting for them. Entertaining them for a while will be one of the most helpful things to a new mom. 

Offer to take them to the park for an hour, or out to lunch. 

This will also make the other kids in the house feel extra special when everything is revolving around the new baby. 

While Im sure your kids are polite and well behaved, leave them at home. This can cause unwanted chaos and stress for the new mom in your life. Kids also carry a lot of unwanted germs, which you dont want around a newborn.

9- Find ways to be helpful (without asking)

New moms dont have the time or strength to do much other than snuggle their new bundle of joy. 

A few ways you can help:

• • If you are visiting a new mom and you see things that need done, jump in and help! 
  • If there are dishes in the sink, load them in the dishwasher
  • Take the trash out
  • Get a load of laundry going
  • Straighten up
  • Refill her water bottle
  • Prepare a snack

Only do these things if that is something you feel comfortable with depending on your relationship. Im not saying to walk into someones house you barely know and be expected to start cleaning their house. 

But if it is a close friend or family member it can be a nice gesture. 

As a new mom, you are usually pretty overwhelmed knowing that you cant do a whole lot, and also not knowing exactly what you need. These little tasks may seem small, but they can be SO helpful to a new mom juggling her new normal. 

10- It’s not about you, it’s about her

I know this can be a hard one to swallow sometimes, especially if you dont have kids of your own. BUT, having a baby is one of the most emotional things you will go through in your life. Postpartum hormones are a very real thing and you never know what state of mind a new mom might be in, give them grace. 

Dont make things about you, make them about her during this time. 

• • Listen to her talk or complain if she needs to, validate her feelings and dont give solutions (unless asked).
  • Dont give unwanted advice, thats not what she needs right now.
  • She may not always be in the best of moods (hello lack of sleep), dont take offense to it.
  • Dont expect a clean house or lunch offered if you visit.
  • Emotions are high, be supportive and non-judgmental.

New mom life is hard, let’s make it a little easier

The most important thing to remember when visiting a new mom and baby is to not have any expectations, and remember that you are not a guest at this time. Entertaining guests is not on their mind, surviving is. 

You are visiting during a time of chaos. Enter their home without judgment, without expectations and with a helping hand. The new mom in your life will appreciate you so much!

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