4 rules every mom should live by
Do you ever feel like your life is being lived for other people instead of yourself? I have spent a lot of years feeling this way without even knowing it. Everything changed once kids came into the picture.
After being so mentally drained for so long I finally had a realization that there are things I can change in my life to better serve myself, instead of always serving the people around me.
How and who you spend your time with significantly changes once you are an adult, and even more so once you have children. This is okay, let’s let it happen. Your time is valuable and you should start treating it as such!
These 4 rules every mom should live by have changed the way I value myself and my time.
Important things mom’s need to know
1- It’s okay to say NO
I’m not just talking about your kids, I’m talking about other adults in your life as well. Setting boundaries is something that I have struggled with for a long time. I didn’t realize that setting boundaries was even a thing until recently, it was always portrayed as something that was “rude”. Which in turn, has turned me into a people pleaser in my adult life. And you know who doesn’t benefit from being a people pleaser? ME and maybe YOU if you are the same way.
Since having kids and letting things come to a boiling point in my life, I have come to the realization that I matter too, and I HAVE to set boundaries to live a happier life.
- Its okay to say no to having visitors after having a baby
- It’s okay to not reply to a text or phone call right away, In fact, I usually take 2-3 business days. Sometime’s longer.
- Its okay to say no to the dinner invitation with friends or family
- It’s okay to say no if someone wants to hold your baby
This can be a hard thing to get used to, and it will probably feel wrong and uncomfortable at first. But I promise you, it will change your life for the better. Get used to saying no.
You are in charge of your happiness, not somebody else’s.
Once you have kids, you are suddenly in charge of much more than yourself. When you are saying yes to every invitation, outing, suggestion etc.. you are emptying your cup a little bit more when you already have a lot on your plate.
Only say yes when you want to. You don’t owe anyone anything.
2- Try not to compare
I can’t even count the amount of times I have scrolled instagram or watched a youtube video of someone’s family, and can’t help but compare them to mine.
I still do it sometimes and always have to remind myself that they are showing such a small part of their lives, and it probably looks a lot more like mine when they are not on camera.
Comparing can be toxic, it can take you down a rabbit hole that is never ending. There will always be someone with something bigger and better than you. Their baby might be more advanced with their milestones, the mom might have the perfect body you have been dreaming of only 4 months postpartum.
We will all get stuck in the comparison trap from time to time. But if you make a habit of bringing yourself back to reality fairly quickly, it helps you realize that they are just people too and are probably having similar struggles to you.
Everyone is navigating life just like you, it’s up to you to decide how you want to navigate yours.
Something that has helped me stop the comparison trap is being more present. When I am present with my kids and my family, or whatever task I am trying to accomplish, I am not reaching for my phone or computer which is where it all begins.
It’s not an easy task, but it’s something we can all work on together.
3- Its okay to make mistake
It’s not just okay to make mistakes, I actually encourage it. Sometimes as moms we put undue stress on ourselves to be perfect. To have a perfect house, not yell at our kids, always have healthy meals for our kids and family, have a perfect body, clothes, the list could go on.
We put a lot of unhealthy pressure on ourselves for no reason. We wouldn’t want to do that to our kids, would we? So why would we do it to ourselves? The answer is we shouldn’t.
Your house doesn’t always need to be perfect, wait to put that pile of laundry away until tomorrow. Nobody cares that it’s sitting on the couch (except maybe you).
It’s okay that you yelled at your three year old, what matters is how you show him that you made a mistake. Mom and dad have big feelings too.
It’s okay to have arguments in front of your kids, what’s even more important is showing them how you made up.
We want our kids to know that it’s okay to make mistakes, that’s how we grow. We need to make mistakes in front of our kids so they understand how to deal with them in a healthy manner.
4- Wear the shorts, just do it.
I have been told too many times in my life that my shorts are too short. I have felt self conscious wearing them ever since I was in jr. high. I don’t want my daughter to ever feel like that. Of course it’s different for our children, we don’t want butt cheeks hanging out. That’s a judgment call we as parents have to make.
I am more referring to us mammas. The comments I received when I was young have spilled over into my adult life. Now not only do I have in the back of my mind that my shorts are too short, but I also have cellulite from having babies, a larger butt, larger thighs, and I might not be perfectly tan.
But you know what? I don’t care anymore. I’m not living my life for somebody else, I’m living it for me. My kids never make comments about my clothes because well….they just don’t care. So why should I?
Wear the shorts
Or the leggings
Or the swimsuit you are too afraid to wear in public. You kids don’t care what you look like at the pool, they care that you got in the water.
Anyway, my point is to always wear what you like and don’t let other people or your own thoughts get in the way of that.
If you live by these rules, you will be living your life for you
Motherhood is hard, let’s not make it any harder than it needs to be. Living by these four rules will help you live much more freely. You will no longer be living your life for somebody else, you will be living it for YOU.